Month: May 2019

Nose hair trimmer for the apocalypse

Nose hair trimmer for the apocalypse

Just because it doesn’t have a keyboard, display, touchscreen, or run software doesn’t mean it’s not technology.

Like me, you have probably assembled a stash of items for the coming apocalypse. But in our modern age, everything needs batteries and that just won’t do. So in case you’re missing a nose hair trimmer in your emergency suitcase, here’s one for you.

It’s called the Groom Mate Platinum XLand has the following features:

  • The manufacturer only makes nose hair trimmers. Really.
  • It’s called Platinum XL there is no Gold or Silver and no sizes other than XL. I guess they feel like everyone has big noses.
  • It requires no batteries. Apocalypse points!
  • It’s an excellent conversation piece if you set it pretty much anywhere.
  • It trims nose hairs effectively if you follow the instructions of Amazon reviewer Scott McDonald: “Insert. QUICKLY Twist-Twist-Twist-Twist. Remove” 
  • It rips nose hairs out by the
… READ THE REST
My first experience with a computer

My first experience with a computer

My school district offered interesting summer courses ranging from pottery to magic to computer programming. I never took pottery but I took the other two.

The summer before kindergarten I signed up for the computer programming class. Everyone was within a few years of my age so it wasn’t like I was some crazy prodigy or something.

Turns out we only had one computer (a mainframe), a keypunch, a punchcard reader, and a printer. I didn’t know what to expect so it all seemed pretty cool to me.

We learned BASIC and set to work on writing a short program. I decided I wanted to ask the computer for the size of a baseball field and have it print out the answer. I showed my program to the teacher and he told me I needed to add a line of code to print out the answer.

I was deflated. The … READ THE REST

Project Papercut

Project Papercut

You may be familiar with the phrase “death by a thousand cuts” or variations on that. You may not know that it has a gruesome origin.

Lingchi (Chinese: 凌遲), translated variously as the slow process, the lingering death, or slow slicing, and also known as death by a thousand cuts, was a form of torture and execution used in China from roughly 900 CE until it was banned in 1905

Lingchi—Wikipedia

The modern version is sometimes called “death by a thousand papercuts” and does not result in actual death but perhaps the death of a product or company.

I couldn’t find agreement on what the phrase means in modern times, so here’s my version.

Let’s say you have a product and you are putting out new versions every year. Issues get reported and are prioritized. For obvious reasons, the most serious issues are more likely to … READ THE REST

I am Beaker!

I am Beaker!

While this is one of my favorite Apple stories, it’s probably one of those “you had to be there” kind of things. Anyways, here goes.

Our senior VP at the time this happened was Bertrand Serlet. His hair could be quite spikey and windswept. Combined with the fact that he was tall and thin led to the inevitable comparison to Beaker from The Muppets.

  • Bertrand. Oh wait, no. Beaker.
  • Bertrand.

At Apple we had a server where everyone had a “user picture” stored. When you received an email from someone, it would look for a picture on that server and if it was there, it would display it in the upper right corner of the email. Very cool.

One of the people who had access to this server decided to play a practical joke and replace Bertrand’s picture, which indicated that he may have been a member of Duran Duran. … READ THE REST

Steve Jobs as a cockatiel

Steve Jobs as a cockatiel

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has wondered what Steve Jobs would have looked if he had been a cockatiel. I was recently looking at my favorite sticker pack, called Coco Bird Emoji Stickers. I found this emoji.

Steve Jobs the cockatiel about to unveil the iPhone 4

I shared this emoji with friends and they all agreed that if he were a cockatiel, he would probably look like this. My good friend Kris Shamloo (probably a made up name) doctored the emoji using his iPad Pro and Apple Pencil (product plug).

Steve Jobs announcing Mac OS X Jagwire.

I realized the original emoji was naked and blind so this updated version was much nicer.

Hopefully at least 3 or 4 people have now had their curiosities satisfied and everyone else has been scared away from this site forever.

Update

Steve Jobs cockatiel (aka Steve Jobsatiel) now … READ THE REST